Grief & Loss

Thinking About Grief and Loss

Grief is a process. It does not end with the funeral. You may not believe that you will survive the pain. Be patient with yourself, there are no timetables. The grief process is never the same for any two people. Do not compare yourself with others in similar situations. Their smiles may not reveal the depth of their sorrows.

Accept Your Emotions

Death brings many reactions. These emotions are a natural response to the death of a loved one. Allow yourself to feel these normal emotions so that you can move through the grief. In the beginning you may feel:

  • Shock: Bewildered, literally stunned, almost paralyzed in a world of unreality.
  • Denial: Feel as if the death never really occurred, even though you know it has.
  • Panic: “I ’ll never make it alone!” You feel as if you are losing control.
  • Physical distress: Food has little taste. You may experience physical pain. The pain is not imagined, it is real. Your body is feeling your emotional loss.
  • Anger: “Why me?” Hostility is one o f the most difficult emotions to handle. Expressing your anger helps you to release the anger and your frustrations.
  • Depression: You may feel alone, unprotected, overwhelmed and drained. Give yourself time to hurt, to grieve, to cry.

Express Your Feelings

It is not enough to recognize your conflicting emotions; it helps to communicate them openly. Find a good listener, a friend who will understand that your many feelings are normal reactions to your grief.

Seeking Help

You may still feel alone. You may be disappointed in the reactions of your closest friends, on whom you counted. “Where are they now when I need them?” Perhaps they think you would rather be by yourself. It maybe they cannot handle the pain themselves. Working through the loss of a loved one is a complex and disturbing task. Even well-intentioned friends are not always enough. They are not trained in this field and may themselves be emotionally involved with the loss. Seeking help or advice from a professional counselor is not an admission of weakness, it is a demonstration of your determination to help yourself during this critical period of adjustment. Devoted Healthcare bereavement counselors can help, call us at (800) 613-9199.

Support Groups

Devoted Healthcare support groups are offered at no charge to anyone in our community who is grieving the death of a loved one. All groups are facilitated by master’s-level counselors or professional chaplains. Attending a support group is an opportunity to process and share feelings with others experiencing similar circumstances. This can be a valuable part of the healing process.

Please contact Devoted Healthcare for current information.

Grief During Holidays

When you have experienced a loss and a holiday or family event approaches, you may find that the anticipation is worse than the actual event. Knowing that you have some choices and a plan can be one way of helping yourself.

  • Make choices about how you will spend the holiday. These decisions should be yours. You may want to keep the same traditions, or you may want to plan something entirely different. Remember that this choice is temporary, and you may choose something different next year.
  • If large groups are not for you this season, try to arrange get together with smaller groups of peop le, those folks with whom you feel comfortable and supported. Balancing some time to be alone and some to be with others can be helpful.
  • Let others know your needs and how they might be helpful to you. This is a time to accept help. Family or friends may s hop for your or with you, or do the cooking if you choose.
  • Be mindful of your own health. Get enough rest and healthful food. Set aside a rest period or “time out” each day if necessary.
  • Allow yourself to remember your loved one. Reminisce, light a candle or hang a special decoration.
  • It is normal to experience feelings of intense loss and grief. Your feelings may be triggered by sights, sounds, smells and memories of better times. These periods of acute sadness are probably temporary and part of the grieving process.

You can contact one of our professional bereavement counselors to set up a time to talk through these feelings at no charge. Call us at (800) 613-9199.